Logan James

On July 26^th at 2:46 AM, Logan James Evans made his grand entrance into this world. Logan is my grandson, his mother, Sara Rose, is my daughter…my baby daughter.  If every other moment in my life lead to this one, 2:46 AM on July 26, then they were all worth it.

There were two moments that came over the last nine months that I will never forget. First was the night when Sara and Michael came to me and told me that Sara was pregnant with Michael’s child. I knew that their lives were about to change. I wanted to share with them the knowledge and wisdom that I had accumulated over the last thirty years, thirty years of being a parent. Instead I told them what mattered most, what I knew they needed to know at that moment, so I told them that I believe God is the creator of life; that the baby growing inside her would only be there through God’s blessings. I also believe that God creates inside a woman that which makes her a mother. At seventeen years old would Sara be ready to be a mother? Oh yes she would, God’s gift of life can only be nurtured because God choose the one who would be nurturing. I am amazed that today so many women do not believe this. They do not believe that they are equipped by a mighty God to be mighty women, to be Mom’s. Just as instinctively a new born child knows to suckle her mother’s breast, a mother instinctively will know how to care for her child. She will have to learn about diapers and rashes and midnight feedings, but she will not have to learn to recognize the cry of her own baby, she will not have to learn to hear his hardly discernible breathing in the middle of the night or to see the barely visible rise and fall of his little chest. She will not have to learn to be Mom.

The second moment which I will never forget and will always cherish was the moment that Sara asked me if I would be with her when she gave birth to the baby. We both knew that there could be uncomfortable moments that we would have to adjust for, and that was okay. I was present at the birth of all my children, there were uncomfortable moments then! When Sara asked if would be in the room with her an incredible moment of love for my baby daughter swept over me. I don’t think I let her see that, you know I have to maintain the tough Dad image even when I am melting on the inside.

It has been more than thirteen years since I witnessed the birth of a baby, but some things never change. Hospital equipment has gotten fancier and designed more for the comfort and safety of both Mom and baby but at the end of the day nothing has changed.

Well, except for one thing.

With the birth of my own children I remember being in awe at life entering into this sometimes harsh world. I was so awe struck that I really was more of a spectator than a participant. All the training in the Lamaze classes goes by the wayside anyway after the mom reaches a certain pain moment. Telling a woman to “breathe through the pain” can be hazardous to one’s health. But this time my paternal instinct kicked into high gear, not for the child that was being born but for the child giving birth, my child, my baby girl.

I could only watch as she struggled through the pain, I wanted to help, that is what I have done for seventeen years. I watched as anxieties that come with hours and hours of slow progress began to take its toll. I wanted to soothe her, but that was not my job this time, it was Michael’s. At one point I even wanted to “push” for her. I remembered years ago of pushing her on her first bicycle or pushing her on a swing, watching her long blond hair fly behind her as she laughed. But this pushing was for her, this young woman giving birth, the little girl and her giggles long gone. I felt helpless.

And then for just a few brief moments Michael moved from her bedside and I took his place. Holding my daughter’s hand as she pushed with what strength she had left in her exhausted body. And then I heard a cry. That is still the most beautiful sound in the world as Logan James sucked in his very first breath and greeted the world with the only sound that can come from his so small lungs. It was incredible.

Sara Rose you will never know what this moment meant to me. You will always be my baby girl, but now you are first... a Mom. Thank you, I love you…more.