Faith's Journey

I have traveled faith’s journey for the past two weeks not knowing where it would take me. My youngest grandson, Logan James, has suffered with eczema for most of his very short life; he is just seven months old. Over the last two weeks this condition continued to worsen at an alarming rate. To add to his misery his breathing rattles with allergies to unknown substances.

Much time has been spent in the waiting area of the doctor’s office—the time in the waiting area far exceeds the time actually spent with the doctor. Logan’s mommy, my daughter Sara Rose, is in her senior year at Canyon High School, Sara missing time from school is more detrimental than my missing time from work—so this week I made the trip to the doctor’s office, holding my precious grandson on my lap as waited patiently to see the doctor. After more than an hour I was told that we would not be able to see the doctor, only a nurse. Logan was also due for his second round of flu shots. So I made yet another appointment for the next day.

Circumstances dictated that Sara take a turn this time; if all worked well she would still be able to get to school in time to take a test. I waited patiently for her phone call that I knew would come after the doctor saw Logan. Two new medicines were prescribed and the recommendation to change Logan’s formula to a soy based product. Later that evening we headed to the pharmacy to pick up the prescriptions and buy the soy based formula. The nice person that stood behind the counter at the pharmacy informed Sara that only one of the prescriptions would be available, the second, a cream to apply to his skin, the one that was most critical in his recovery, required pre-approval from the insurance company. By this time it was too late to reach the doctor’s office or the insurance company. The option to pay cash was floated—the cream was too expensive. The nice person called the doctor’s office and left a message describing the problem with the script. We went home with the soy formula, the prescribed allergy medicine and a baby whose condition continued to worsen.

The next day I received a call from the daycare director. Logan was having a reaction to something. Logan's eczema has spent most of its energy and wrath on his head, the director told me both his body and face was now covered in a rash. I again left Austin and headed back down that long highway to pick up my grandson. I started speaking to God before I had even entered the highway. I paused long enough in my conversation with God to call the doctor’s office to inform them of this new condition and inquire as to the possible cause. The doctor was quite certain that the reaction wasn’t to the medications (at this point he was unaware there had been a problem in picking up both prescriptions) but that Logan was possible having a reaction to the soy product. What should I do now, I asked? The receptionist told me that I would need to find a formula that was neither milk nor soy based. What? She knew that there was one but couldn’t recall the name. I took a deep breath and then told her about the problem at the pharmacy. She told me that she would call the pharmacy and get everything straightened out. Good, I still had quite a ways to travel and hoped that the situation would be resolved before I went back to the pharmacy. I reached over and tuned the radio to a talk show, I needed distraction. I should have returned to my prayer…but I didn’t.

I finally arrived at the daycare. My heart broke when I saw Logan’s little face. The redness was bright and widespread. I laid him on the changing table and removed his shirt to look at his little body…red rash everywhere. I looked down into the eyes of my grandson and he smiled at me, reaching up to be held. Although the rash was difficult to look at it didn’t seem to be bothering him too much. That would change as the time moved on.

I left the daycare and drove back to the pharmacy. The line was long and Logan was beginning to become irritable. He face seemed to be even brighter red under the harsh lighting of the store. I finally made it to the counter only to be told that the status requiring pre-approval had not changed. At this point I had no choice but to pay the piper.

I left the pharmacy area and began my search of the no-milk-no soy formula. After reading a dozen or so labels I finally found one on the bottom shelf that met the requirements. They must not sale much of this product, there was only one facing and a hefty price tag. We checked out and Logan and I drove home.

Sara was home by the time we arrived. Her face could not hide her feelings as she looked at her baby. She provided him with a dose of the allergy medicine and gently rubbed the balm on his sores. I watched as my daughter who only yesterday was a little girl tenderly took care of her son.

My youngest son, Joseph, was at a track meet and I needed to leave to get there in time to see him run. I looked down at Sara and Logan to tell her that I was leaving and would be back as soon as I could. My heart broke as I saw the tears running down Sara's cheeks and the almost languid baby sitting in her lap. The sight of her son’s condition was too much. I had to leave before she saw my own tears.

It was almost eight o’clock last night before I got back home. The track meet had run longer than expected. With great effort I had tried not to think about Sara and Logan, but everywhere I looked I saw healthy young boys and girls running and jumping and breathing without effort. At one point I remember looking up towards the heavens and telling God, “That’s what I want for Logan!”  

I peeked into Sara’s room; she was lying on the bed with Logan at her side. Quietly I approached; I needed to see if his condition had changed. If it had I couldn’t tell.

I sat in my chair for hours worrying before I again began to pray. Sometime later I fell asleep with my pleas to God still on my lips. I had prayed that He would touch Logan with His healing hands. I prayed that He would comfort Sara with His loving touch. I told Him that I knew He could do these things and didn’t understand why He wasn’t! I told Him that Logan was just an innocent baby and that whatever I had done in my life that was standing in the way of my prayers should not keep Him from doing what only God can.

Faith’s journey ended with me falling asleep before even saying Amen.

My ever loyal alarm clock sang its song at 4:45 AM. I quietly returned to Sara’s room, using just the light from the television that had stayed on all night I could see that the redness had faded. Logan’s breathing was that of a seven month old baby—quiet, steady and without rattle.

I returned to the living room and thanked God. It didn’t matter to me if it was the medicine or a miracle by His healing hand, my grandson was getting better. As I sat there for just a moment reflecting on God He began to speak to my heart.

He asked me where I was as I drove from Austin to New Braunfels. He asked me where I was as I sat in the doctor's office quietly. He asked where I was as I stood by the track at Canyon High School. 

And then He told me that He had been there, He was always there, at those places and at those times. And then He told me that He was there last night when I was sleeping and before. Before when I had finally remembered to pray to our God. And then He told me—

 “I was just wanting to hear from you.”